Return of the Muse
I never would've imagined that Shibari would be one of my paths. I really mean, never.
I look back over the last 4 years in awe, shock, disbelief, amusement.
This rope has completely ensnared me in the most internally revealing and relationally wild experiences I could have ever imagined.
In one of my previous lives I was an artist, a painter for over a decade. Endlessly hours in studio, until the wee hours of the night, burying my secrets into the layers of paint where they could be discovered and seen only by me. While being adored by others. This was my life, this was the future I was planning, artist & painter.
I took off on an adventure through South American, across the USA, and to Israel. Following the guide of my untamed adventure spirit. Breaking myself open, exposing the secrets that lived inside to the lovely souls I travelled alongside. Along the way, creating small journal painting, ruminating on my future artwork.
In an unplanned way, I found myself pregnant in Israel. It wasn't an ideal situation and I chose to have an abortion. It was not an easy path, riddled with shame, fear, and what later became years of pain that would crumble me to the floor. And...from that sterile cold moment in the abortion clinic stirrups, I felt my muse leave me. She was pulled from my body.
My creativity left me. She was no where to be found. Not a line could be drawn. A stoke of paint could come. I was in shock. My imagination was full and now...it was an empty room. I cried as I stared at blank canvases. She didn't speak to me anymore. She was gone.
Year passed, 5 to be exact. Before the consuming power of my creativity came back to me. Many times sitting at the drawing board with mechanical attempts yet no true drive or power of creative forces.
Then I unknowingly stumbled into a Shibari class. Honestly, I had some previous judgments, fears, and disgust around what I thought I knew of the ropes from years before.
Yet, in that moment, I became enthralled. The artistry, sensation, movement, the relational quality, the internal emotional stirrings. Deeper and deeper I found myself going into the rope journey. I by no means had a "plan" of it becoming my work, my path. It was purely intrigue, dedication, passionate obsession. I wanted to know everything about the ropes from all kinds of teachers.
I was so earnestly devoted to the study and practice, every. single. day.
Rope deepened my relationship to my intimacy, my sexuality, my understanding of healing, the body, my creativity, my power, my voice, my comfort zone, my openness to the er0tic currents, understanding of pain, my desire to attain knowledge, to new parts of the world. It's been a journey beyond my wildest imagination.
What I have discovered in the last 4 years, the people I've met, the teachers I've encountered, the creative moments, the intimate tales, the shamanistic shattering. It's a steamy and moody novel for sure!
I want to express my gratitude to be reunited with my creative muse. For trusting her as she lead me through the darkness to another side. For my own willpower and determination to dive into this art. I am forever grateful, beloved muse. You truly have outdone yourself.
